I should not be trusted alone with myself where big projects are concerned. (This may be related to why I can’t feel my arms.)

The guy who did our house inspection a couple months ago heard me talking about the yarn room, and tonight I taught him how to knit. We’re convinced he’s a knitting shark, as he picked it up way faster than he had any right to. But if it’s a long con, we are all very interested to see how it turns out. He’s very entertaining and promises cookies, what could go wrong?

Harvested a bunch of #milkweed pods today. Not yet sure what to do with them yet, but I’ll get there. Related: nature is fucking awesome.

Sometimes we’re grumpy even when we’re getting what we want.

(This is not just about the cat.)

I love my new house, the housewarming is going to be lovely, we are so inexpressibly blessed BUT ALSO my back hurts, I can’t sleep because my arms go numb when I lay down, we’re hemorrhaging money (to a normal new-house degree, but still), I’ve started a brand-new teeth-grinding habit and I just want to take a nap without dreaming about the to-do-list.

Trust me, I want to punch my privileged face, too, don’t worry.

Overflowing with gratitude tonight for my amazing friends. Five helpers for a 4+ hour painting party. First coat done in all four rooms. More work than I expected by a factor of ten, but they totally stepped up and I could not be more in love with each and every one of those beautiful humans. I did not expect this whole moving business to be such a group effort. After living the first quarter-century of my life as a near-hermit, I’m still continuously surprised by the joyful aspects of friendship and community. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an introvert who occasionally gets too drunk at parties because social anxiety, but my life is so much bigger than I ever imagined.

Watching the #eclipse with my mom’s retirement community was remarkably satisfying. I was prepared to be disappointed by the event itself, but it was even more profound than I let myself hope. Crickets, 360 sunset, diamond ring effect, the whole deal. I just drank it all in, no photos. I wish I could tattoo the silver/periwinkle sky on the inside of my eyelids. Plus no one told me it was going to turn pink just at the end of totality! So immensely grateful for the layers of privilege that allowed us to be there (and that my Cloud Curse finally broke).

My favorite part really was helping one of mom’s neighbors. She’s soon for a memory care facility, and the whole concept of eclipse glasses was upsetting her. She couldn’t understand that they were completely opaque to normal light. She insisted they were broken and alternated between near-crying that she was going to miss the eclipse – the first one of her life at eighty-six years old – and trying to look directly at the sun without them. I finally knelt down next to her wheelchair, asked if I could touch her head, and physically moved her face until she was able to see the sun through the glasses. I got her all straightened out before the totality, so I didn’t even miss anything. It felt good to do such a simple thing that made someone so happy. It seems like most helping these days is impossible.

In May, my doctor referred me to a specialist to get assessed for Ehlers-Danlo/hypermobility. I made the appointment right away, first available, September 5. Clinic called today with bad news- the doctor is on indefinite medical leave. I can call back in the Spring to see if she’s taking appointments again. They don’t know any other specialists in the cities for referral, and the physical therapist they used to recommend has moved to New York. I’m at a loss. Next month it will be five years since I set off the plantar fasciitis flare that started this whole thing. Five years that I’ve been in pain every day from one part of my skeleton or another. I don’t know if there’s anywhere to go from here.