Breaking news: interview rescheduled for next week due to misdialed phone number!

No news on the job interview – the scheduled call never came.  I emailed and am hopeful that some HR emergency came up.  I’m really tense, though.  I was up ’til 3 a.m. last night reading up on mission statements and political implications (and then laughing at myself because this is just a glorified receptionist position, I’m not going to be writing policy for Gods’ sake), and then spent a few more hours this afternoon going back over some of my college papers and what kind of answers one is supposed to give to those standard interview questions.  I kept telling myself “It’ll be over in twelve hours,” “It’ll be over in six hours,” “It’ll be over in an hour…” and then it wasn’t.  All this nervous energy is making me twitchy.

I’m in a remarkably good mood, considering.  K was at afternoon knitting and let me vent at her after I fled the apartment in frustration.  Michael was in a good mood, we had a big salad for dinner, and I figured out what was pissing off the big joint of my left thumb.  A friend took me to late night knitting, another friend brought me home, and I got to hang out with someone I’d been worrying about for a while.  I was praised for starting the Twin Cities Ravelry group, I brought home some tiramisu, I have a new project on the needles and a class with Amy Singer on Sunday – what more could I ask for?

How about some double-barreled good news, that’s what!  We’ve been approved for a new apartment (same neighborhood, big upgrade, details to come), and we’re getting a sizable refund check from our old homeowners’ insurance that will help to offset a good chunk of the moving costs.

Maybe all of this good stuff is why I’m not completely freaked out about the mysterious missing interview.  Oddly, I’m less worried about actually getting the job than I am about enduring the interview process. Everything else is going so well, some part of me just thinks this will too, I guess.  I feel like I should be afraid of jinxing our good turn of luck just by mentioning it, but somehow I’m not.

Must be the tiramisu.

So I wrote up the pattern for my silly little jar cozies.  You can download it here, for free.

It’s my first “original pattern” on Ravelry!  I need to actually publish Equation as well – I can’t submit it for publication anywhere, since there are already photos of it on the internet.  So I need to figure out some way to promote it and maybe make a few dollars just selling it straight through Rav.

I’m feeling better than I was earlier this month.  Securing med refills plus lengthening days plus a plethora of positive changes on the horizon plus…who the hell knows what…plus Michael’s birthday have all combined to bring me back up to at least 83% operating capacity.  So now for the pretties, as promised.

Traveling Woman of Pagewood Farm Denali in (the disappointingly-named) “Really Red.”  Was a great quick palate cleanser after spending so long on the Blackberry Cardigan.

Mason jar cozies made of Madelinetosh – scandalously plebeian use of such delicious yarn, I know.  (I told Mandy they were out of their own league.)  I kept enough notes to write a pattern up for them, I might do it if I feel silly enough sometime.

Modified Mystery Mitts that I did with Mandy.

Today’s fiber-related luck story:  My laziness pays off!  I pulled out and reknit the sleeves of my February Lady Sweater in order to go from caps to bracelet-length.  I never wore it as it was, so when I was done, I decided to toss it in with a load of delicates.  The label on the yarn says “dry clean only,” but that would ensure yet again that the sweater was never worn.  I decided that I wouldn’t lose anything if the washer/dryer ruined the sweater, since I wasn’t wearing it before, and I wouldn’t wear it if it had to be dry cleaned.  When I pulled it from the dryer, there was noticeable shortening in the body, but, wonder of wonders, I actually like it better at the shorter length.  So I win!

I hope I also win next week; I have a phone interview next Wednesday for a part-time job at a…non-profit I should probably not name at this time, but if you know me at all, you can probably guess.  I’ve never had a phone interview – and I’m not friends with the phone, so I’m extra-nervous.

The position is only part-time, which I consider a good thing.  I can get used to working again and still get stuff done outside of work.  We’ll have to buy a car, though; it’s out in the suburbs, where the buses don’t go on the weekends.  Based on preliminary calculations, virtually all of my paycheck will go into said car, but I’m all right with that.  Having a car will let me be more social without feeling like I’m taking advantage of my friends all the time, and just getting my foot in the door and getting some experience in this field is worth a lot.  I’ll feel better about myself and be making a positive contribution to the community – assuming I get it, of course.

(I hope I get it.)

I finished my Blackberry Cardigan a couple of weeks ago.

I love it very much.  It even has amazing buttons:

There are a bunch more pictures and mod notes on my Ravelry project page, if you’re curious at all.

~~~

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.  The actual doctor is a cipher at this point, so I’m not terribly hopeful that I’ll get my Armour script from her, but I have a few months left on that one, so it’s not an emergency.  I had to take the first appointment I could get, since I only have four days left of my We11butrin – going off of the brain meds cold-turkey is not a good plan, I’m sure you know.  In any case, I’m trying to temper my new-doc nerves with the knowledge that if it doesn’t work out with her, I can try another one somewhere else.

I love Spring, but the change of seasons seems to be waking up the part of my brain that hates me.  That whole “you may be depressed if you lose interest in things you once enjoyed” thing is not a joke.  It took me several days to pick another project after I finished a cardigan a couple of weeks ago, and then earlier this week I realized I’d begun to dread going out to knitting.  Given that 99% of my social interactions are at knitting groups, that was not what you’d call a great sign.

Looking back over the years, my worst spikes of anxiety/depression have been in the early Spring.  Some years, my mind just finds something to grab onto and gnaw on until it bleeds – oblivion, The Matrix, insanity, demons – this year’s theme seems to be “People Who Have Been Mean To Me On The Internet – A Retrospective.”  It’s no fun at all, but I hasten to be grateful that it’s not as bad as last year (thanks to Bupropion and avoiding St. John’s Wort).

Depression and anxiety are things I’ve struggled with since I was eight years old.  I have enough experience to know that I can’t always handle it on my own, but I’m also learning what I to do to help myself, when I can.  I’m trying to be proactive – every day I’m going on a walk, drinking at least two quarts of water, remembering the fish oil and vitamin D.  I keep pushing myself to go out because I’m never sorry I did.  I’ve been talking to Michael about it over the last few days, which, combined with my other strategies, already seems to be making a difference, but if things haven’t let up when I visit my new doctor next week, I’ll see if she has any suggestions to add.  (I can’t help but think I’d be happier tonight if CVS hadn’t been out of Cadbury Caramel Eggs, but that may be a red herring.)

Anyway.  If I’m slow to answer emails, or seem to take a few minutes to get into the conversation, don’t take it personally.  I promise I still like you, I’m just dealing with some stuff.  And I’ll share a bunch of pretty knitting pictures soon, just to make up for all of the silence and self-absorption.