Friday 6th April 2012by Chelsea
I love Spring, but the change of seasons seems to be waking up the part of my brain that hates me. That whole “you may be depressed if you lose interest in things you once enjoyed” thing is not a joke. It took me several days to pick another project after I finished a cardigan a couple of weeks ago, and then earlier this week I realized I’d begun to dread going out to knitting. Given that 99% of my social interactions are at knitting groups, that was not what you’d call a great sign.
Looking back over the years, my worst spikes of anxiety/depression have been in the early Spring. Some years, my mind just finds something to grab onto and gnaw on until it bleeds – oblivion, The Matrix, insanity, demons – this year’s theme seems to be “People Who Have Been Mean To Me On The Internet – A Retrospective.” It’s no fun at all, but I hasten to be grateful that it’s not as bad as last year (thanks to Bupropion and avoiding St. John’s Wort).
Depression and anxiety are things I’ve struggled with since I was eight years old. I have enough experience to know that I can’t always handle it on my own, but I’m also learning what I to do to help myself, when I can. I’m trying to be proactive – every day I’m going on a walk, drinking at least two quarts of water, remembering the fish oil and vitamin D. I keep pushing myself to go out because I’m never sorry I did. I’ve been talking to Michael about it over the last few days, which, combined with my other strategies, already seems to be making a difference, but if things haven’t let up when I visit my new doctor next week, I’ll see if she has any suggestions to add. (I can’t help but think I’d be happier tonight if CVS hadn’t been out of Cadbury Caramel Eggs, but that may be a red herring.)
Anyway. If I’m slow to answer emails, or seem to take a few minutes to get into the conversation, don’t take it personally. I promise I still like you, I’m just dealing with some stuff. And I’ll share a bunch of pretty knitting pictures soon, just to make up for all of the silence and self-absorption.